Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
