He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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