No awkward lesbian experiences without me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
