all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
