Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
