She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
