just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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