i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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