Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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