turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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