I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
