Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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