Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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