Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The ass gains better be worth it
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