i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
