i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
