was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
