I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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