i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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