I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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