I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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