zippers are such a cool invention
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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