had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
