Got a toothbrush?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
