I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
