he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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