Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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