I showed him my bush... on skype.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
