Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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