where am i from again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
they're like a gay fantastic four
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
