Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
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I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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