My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
