im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
