Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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