OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
