please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
