we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
