New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
