She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
