Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
