My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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