Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
