The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
