I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
