It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were trust falling into bushes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
