Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
