She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
