Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
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Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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