You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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