Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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