He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
