oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
