cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
COCAINE IS GR8
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