oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
