doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
