I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
