I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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