i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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