If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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