'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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