how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
40s are totally the cure
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
