the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
