hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
