There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
