you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
