How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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