no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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