Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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