It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
